[离任作者] 【永言配命】S01E07

chen88jw 该用户已被删除

1楼大中小发表于 2010-5-24 20:15 显示全部帖子

因为没看过前面的章节，所以看着有点乱，一些连接处理的不好，镜头转换的不是很明显，给人的感觉有点没头没尾，剧情发展但是挺吸引人的，不过一些细节描写还有待提高
还有在文中提到舒文在舒扬的肛门中尿了一次，这个不可能吧，无法想象，不和事实
还有二楼抓虫的第一条，那应该不是，是名词活用做动词，非常常用的一种用法

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